


and i lost you

by petalprose



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (kind of), Allura's Death, Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Missing Scene, Season/Series 08, written mostly in lowercase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 21:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17495429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalprose/pseuds/petalprose
Summary: takes place directly after the paladins exit the rift.coran doesn't have to be told that allura is gone to know it, but it takes him a few moments to believe it.





	and i lost you

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this almost immediately after finishing the series, but never really polished it or gave it what i think is a proper ending.
> 
> title is from Fleurie's song Hurts Like Hell.

the Paladins come back after Coran has spent ten vargas worrying his head off.  
  
the rift had closed despite their best efforts, despite Coran trying his hardest, despite the universe's geniuses banding together to help him with his plan- he thinks, during a moment where his faith falters and the hopelessnes is overwhelming, that he has lost his princess.  
  
then, that he has failed Alfor.  
  
there is an abrupt flash of light- a planet materializes into existence that, when he squints, looks like the Altea he lost so long ago.  
  
he thinks that he must have died. gives a laugh of disbelief. or gapes like a fish. he doesn't quite know what to think of all this. he looks to the side and asks, "are you seeing this?" he hopes he hasn't gone mad.  
  
Slav looks like he is about to suffer an aneurysm. Coran cannot quite fault him for that. Sam simply looks both hopelessly confused and awed. also, like he is about to drop dead from stress. "what _is_ that," he says, voice strained. Coran abruptly remembers that Sam also has a daughter in the rift, a wife, a dog. family he loves who he could lose, could have lost.  
  
Coran stands to lose Allura. the Paladins all have families waiting for them, all have homes, but even if the Altea that has just brought itself into existence is real, if Coran has lost Allura then he has lost his family, the last remnant of his home.  
  
(he knows that the Paladins have come to think of him as family over time. he knows that he has come to think of them as family as well. but Allura, oh, his princess- he'd seen her take her first, wobbly steps, tricked her into eating her vegetables when she was being stubborn, helped teach her the best ways to get Alfor's attention- he worries about her. he always has.)  
  
there's movement. he notices the black lion first. "KEITH!" he says, not caring how high his voice is pitched, "Keith, you're-"  
  
and then the rest of the picture processes- they've unfused from the Atlas, the lions are moving but- all of Slav's hands clench into fists at once-  
  
the blue lion isn't moving.  
  
the blue lion _isn't moving_.  
  
Keith speaks during his pause. "Coran," he starts, then falters just as he had. Coran spares a few moments to wonder why his voice sounds scratchy. he doesn't want to think of the implications of the blue lion being immobile just yet. he knows, distantly, that it's a bit fatalistic of him to think that Allura's voice won't come through the comms (she would have said something the moment she came through, would have been laughing in triumph- the Paladins, they've been quiet) but he still does anyway.  
  
perhaps Keith's voice has simply suffered due to the shouting he's been doing. Coran thinks maybe the boy could stand some vocal training. could make a good singer.  
  
"Allura," Coran says, ignoring how Lance chokes on something suspiciously like a sob at the sound of her name. "Allura? Allura, are you there-"  
  
"Coran," and this is Shiro's voice. he hears a thump and then a soft, reprimanding 'Pidge' from hunk. Coran assumes she hit something. he can see the tension in Sam's shoulders ease, can see how his grip on the controls lessens.  
  
"Pidge," Sam murmurs. there's a shuffle and a sniff, a teary  _dad_ as her reply. Sam heaves a sudden sigh, leans all his weight onto the controls, is almost sinking to his knees. "thank god," he says, shakily. his hands are trembling. "thank god. you're all right."  
  
Coran wishes he could get a similar confirmation of continued living from Allura. perhaps she is just knocked out- he'll have to reprimand her when she wakes up, getting herself so injured as to cause a coma for the second time in five quintants.  
  
Shiro's voice is quieter this time. tired. "Coran," he repeats, "i'm sorry."  
  
Coran laughs. he can't help it. "you don't need to apologize, ah-" he catches Slav eyeing his socks with a twist to his beak that makes him defensive- "Shiro, ever the chivalrous hero, you've helped to save the universe, all of the realities as we know them. all i've got to be told is how you all are!" _how Allura is_ , he doesn't say.  
  
"we're all right," Hunk says. he clears his throat. "but Coran, Allura, she-"  
  
"she didn't make it." Lance cuts Hunk off. his voice is shaky.  
  
"what?" he takes a moment, wavers. "no, she-"  
  
"we're sorry," says Shiro, "she sacrificed herself along with- Honerva-"  
  
"-no-"  
  
"she saved us all," Shiro continues. he sounds like he wishes he hadn't been saved. "she restored all of the realities. she saved us." sounds infinitely grateful. sounds numb.  
  
Coran's grip on the controls tighten. he looks down. it would be like Allura, of course it had to be Allura, the princess of Altea sacrificing herself alongside the empress of-  
  
Coran doesn't understand the royal family and their inclination toward self-sacrifice.  
  
_you were supposed to protect her_ almost tears itself out from his throat. Coran swallows the urge to shout at the paladins, because he was supposed to protect her, because Allura never quite needed protecting, because there is a time and place for mourning and anger and-  
  
and if it were the other way around, if he had died and Allura had lived, he knows she would have pushed on- acknowledged the loss, grit her teeth and do what needed to be done because there would always be time for grief but it cannot consume you in war.  
  
it still feels like they're at war.


End file.
